Another uncomfortable daily activity with HH is the simplest task of receiving coin change from the cashier after purchasing something. I’ve always hated this, but I guess it’s just one of those things I take for granted now. I will intentionally try to give exact change so that I only receive dollar bills back. My hands are usually sweaty at the cashier, and a lot of cashiers will put the change first in your hand, then the dollar bills. If they do that, I risk them seeing or touching my sweaty hand. I would much rather prefer the dollar bill go into my hand and then the change placed on top of that. Is this crazy or what? This is how insecure I am with HH sometimes. I analyze the smallest situations.
hyperhidrosis
Never thought of this
I always fear that my future children will have HH because of genetics. I’ve pretty much accepted that they will have it.
I was searching around the internet and found this blog post from 2010: http://www.hyperhidrosisandme.com/2010/11/22/hyperhidrosis-and-heredity-does-my-child-have-it/
It got me thinking. What if my child is mad at me and blames me for giving him or her HH??
In my situation, my mom doesn’t have HH. I don’t really have a particular person to blame. But what if I had? This is scary to think about.
Caryn Joan
My Assumptions
I’m really lucky because my work gave me about a month of vacation within a 2 month period. Being on vacation has put me in a more relaxed state and my HH thankfully hasn’t bothered me too much because of this.
I’ve had a couple of interesting situations these past few weeks though.
First was when I went to my boyfriend’s softball game. He is on a team with coworkers and I was meeting them all for the first time. It was also a VERY hot day.
I was really nervous about meeting his coworkers because that meant shaking people’s hands. I was really hoping to stand a distance away and just wave! But I never want to make myself seem any more different than I really am, so I sucked it up and shook their hands. My hands were really sweaty, but thankfully no one mentioned anything about it…until the last girl.
After shaking her hand, she proceeded to wipe it immediately on her pants and was like, “oh, you’re sweaty!”.
I was so offended by this and distanced myself from her the whole game. I mentioned this to my boyfriend after the game as we drove away.
He immediately said, “Oh! I meant to tell you before that that girl always complains about her sweaty hands and how difficult it is to use her softball glove.”
OH! So, maybe this girl was just trying to relate to me and reach out to me. I felt so bad afterwards that I assumed she was just being rude.
I always assume that everyone else is normal and doesn’t have HH. This was a very eye-opening experience.
Also, during my vacation, I had a manicure. I don’t really enjoy getting these because my HH makes it very uncomfortable, but my brother was graduating and my mom offered to pay for it.
It was ROUGH! My hands were dripping so much. I almost asked the manicurist to skip the hand lotion because I have enough moisture already!
As much of an advocate I am for telling people about HH, I’m still scared to do it sometimes. I am upset with myself for not telling the manicurist what was going on with my hands. I spoke with my mom about this afterwards and my mom said that she would talk to her the next time she goes to get a manicure.
The other day, my mom told me that she spoke to the woman about me and to my surprise, the manicurist said nothing about my hands at all. What she did say was that she thought I looked REALLY nervous about something.
Wow, I had no idea I was being perceived this way. Here I was, assuming that the manicurist was thinking all horrible things about me with my hands, but she really was just wondering why I seemed nervous.
It’s always very eye-opening for me to realize how HH is perceived by others, and these two experiences definitely surprised me.
Caryn Joan
Coping with Hyperhidrosis
I’ve written at length about my experiences with HH, but I haven’t really discussed my coping mechanisms.
There are many times when coping is impossible, but here are some ways I’ve found that help.
1. Keep a towel in your purse if you can to discretely wipe your hands
2. Wear jeans! Best material I’ve found for sweat.
3. Breathe through it, meditate
4. Keep your hands to yourself- hands on hips or in pockets when talking to people. Or try holding on to something. I hate to admit it, but sometimes I will intentionally hold on to too many things (ie. flute, piccolo, sheet music, instrument stand) so that I won’t have to actually shake anyone’s hand.
5. Keep a fan nearby! I have one at my desk at work and at home.
6. Keep a small, sturdier piece of paper with you- like a postcard or brochure. I love the thickness of this paper. It works best for me to fan my hands with it because it won’t get ruined right away from sweat. Re-usable!
7. Tell your friends. I know it’s scary, but believe me, it helps so much!
8. Learn to laugh about it. Even if your laugh starts out to be sarcastic or insane because you can’t believe that you have to deal with this kind of stuff every day. It is pretty ridiculous, right?
9. Closed toe shoes are the safest…
10. Be proud, persistent, and strong. Don’t let HH control you. You and I struggle through daily life, but we are still here! Be strong in every challenge you face, and happy knowing that you and I will get through it together. Keep your head up, look people in the eyes, and smile.
Hope this is helping someone,
Caryn Joan
Every day is an adventure
Just getting to work is a challenge.
Today I missed the bus. Well, I really didn’t miss it. It just happened to be “out of service”.
In order to get to work on time, I needed to take the dreaded subway.
I’m walking the 8 minute walk in the heat. Noticing that I keep my hands close to my body because I don’t know where to put them. I definitely don’t want my hands to accidentally brush up against some passerby. That would be unpleasant and probably confusing/frightening.
I’m at the subway, and I see that a downtown train comes in 1 minute. I miss the train by 5 seconds.
At this point, I’m about to cry.
I’m on the hot platform and see that the next train doesn’t come for 7 minutes!!
“Just breathe, just breathe, just breathe,” is all I’m thinking.
My hands are melting and dripping, my feet are sloshing in my shoes, sweat is running off every part of my body.
Just breathe.
I decide to “mop up” and take my towel out of my bag for my hands.
Train arrives. Wow, air conditioning! Wonderful.
I take a seat and then realize the sweat is probably making it’s way through my dress by now. I can’t care anymore. I just need to breathe and sit still.
I get off the train and slowly walk to work. I take my time just so I can try to calm down and cool off.
So much adventure and it’s only 10am!
How is your commute?
Thanks for reading,
Caryn Joan
Have I avoided this enough yet?…Part 2
Okay…no more avoiding.
In September 2011, I went to the Columbia University Medical Center’s Center for Hyperhidrosis in NYC for a consultation for the ETS surgery. This was the day of that crazy water main break in the subway systems…remember that? How appropriate.
I went with my mom. When we arrived, I was asked to fill out some paperwork. It started fine, but a few minutes in, my hands started sweating uncontrollably and I had to have my mom finish the paperwork for me. Glad she was there.
We sat in the waiting room, and I felt like no one around me had HH. It was the waiting room for Thoracic surgery. I quickly noticed all of the old men and woman I was waiting with. They couldn’t breathe very well.
It makes sense. ETS does have the word “Thoracic” in it, since the procedure includes going through the chest. But why do I still feel out of place? I guess I just wish the Center for HH really felt like a Center for HH.
The consultation was pretty good, but I didn’t get the best vibe from it. The surgeon assured me that deflating the lungs was the least of my worries.
Never the less, I started tying loose ends with my insurance company and penciled in the surgery for December 29, 2011.
I still have HH, so I obviously didn’t go through with the surgery.
Why you ask?
Well, I’m realizing that this entry will be a multiple post entry. There’s a lot to say, and this is why I’ve been avoiding it I think. It’s very sensitive.
Stay tuned for Part 3.
Thanks again,
Caryn Joan
I can’t pet my cat.
Ever tried petting a furry animal with sweaty hands? Not the best experience in the world.
When my hands are really bad, I won’t pet my cat because I will end up with cat fur all over me.
I feel bad, but I think she understands and still loves me 🙂
Meet Grace, 3 year old calico rescue from Upstate New York. 
Magazine Ink
Thought I would add a quick picture. I was just holding a magazine, and this is what happened. Usually doesn’t happen with glossy magazines…
It surprised me. I wasn’t sure where it was from, until I looked at the cover of my magazine. Sure enough, my HH had taken some of the color off. Yuck.
From the Other Side
This is not “Part 2” of my previous entry.
One of the reasons I titled my previous entry, “Have I avoided this enough yet?” is because it’s so hard to talk and write about. It’s even hard to think about. I’ve gone back and forth for months on the subject, finally making at the very least, a temporary decision. It’s an exhausting topic and so I will be avoiding it some more, until part 2.
Today, however, I wanted to briefly discuss something that I find interesting.
This is probably going to make me sound like a hypocrite and I hope I don’t upset you.
My hands aren’t sweating 100% of the time. There are plenty of times when I’m totally “normal”.
During these times, if I encounter the sweaty palms of someone else, I find it…unpleasant.
That is the term I have decided to use. I don’t think it’s “bad” or “gross”. I don’t judge these people, I just notice that it is “unpleasant”. A sweaty handrail on the subway…a wet shopping bag handed to me by a cashier.
Believe me when I say that this upsets me. I of all people, sufferer of HH, should understand a thing or two about sweat. And you know from my previous posts that those two exact situations have happened to me! So why do I react this way? I guess I’m seeing it from the other side.
Also what is interesting, is that I had a similar reaction to just water. I went to hold my boyfriend’s hand and it was wet from the condensation from a drink or something. My reaction was the exact same…I knew it wasn’t sweat, but it was wet, and I didn’t like it.
So, okay, that makes me feel a little better. It’s not really the sweat that bothers me.
Still. Why?
It makes me feel kind of defeated actually. That no matter how much awareness and acceptance there is of HH, it’s still “unpleasant”.
Thoughts?
Caryn Joan
Have I avoided this enough yet?…Part 1
ETS stands for: Endoscopic Thoracic Sympathectomy.
For the most vague and quick definition, WIKI says it pretty well- “Endoscopic thoracic sympathectomy (ETS) is a controversial surgical procedure where certain portions of the sympathetic nerve trunk are destroyed.”
This surgery is most commonly used to cure palmar hyperhidrosis. Some doctors will guarantee that 100% of palmar sweating will be cured following this procedure.
This is how and why I found about the surgery:
Last summer was probably the worst summer of my life. It was my first summer living in NYC full time. And it was HOT!
As you know from my previous entries, you know that I struggled a lot. But what you don’t know is that I told my parents last summer that my HH was so unbearable at times that I wanted to throw myself in front of an oncoming subway train.
There, I’ve said it. Please don’t worry about me. I’m fine and mentally healthy now. I didn’t want to end my life for any other reason than feeling disgusting in my own skin due to HH. But, I’m sure you can imagine, this is a pretty big deal. In the heat, I literally can’t move. I need to stand, frozen and still. I need to bury myself so deep inside and try my best to meditate out of the distress I’m in.
Here comes another summer…pretty nervous about it, as it’s already really hot- and it’s just May!
Anyway, my parents were pretty worried about me. My mom had researched about the surgery for a while and gathered all these materials, yet she didn’t tell me until the end of July.
My family and I were going to Arizona for vacation. We were in line for security. I’m wearing sandals.
Why did I wear sandals? How did I forget that you need to remove your shoes before going through the metal detectors? And what’s that up ahead? No rug! Black linoleum.
So there I was, freaking out in line that I was going to 1.) leave embarrassing sweaty foot prints on the linoleum and 2.) cause myself danger by slipping and sliding on it 3.) cause attention to myself in a place where I really shouldn’t be.
My heart is pounding, I’m sweating profusely, and all of a sudden my mom goes:
“You’re getting surgery.”
What?!
My mom tells me about her research and that there’s a surgeon in NYC who does the procedure. She seems very enthusiastic, yet, there’s something she’s not telling me.
“I’ll tell you later,” she says.
No, tell me now.
“They need to deflate your lungs.”
No way.
I don’t think I’m alone in the fear of doctors and hospitals and needles and anything invasive. So, my first reaction to learning about the surgery was me freaking out about the prospect of my lungs being deflated.
My mom brought all of her research with her, and I read through it on the plane to Arizona.
I literally started crying on the plane reading the material.
It was just so emotional to know there was a “cure” out there that would help people like me. I just thought about all the pain (emotional) I’ve been through and other people have been through and how much HH sucks.
If you have HH, I suggest you do a TON of research about ETS surgery. As WIKI says- it’s a “controversial surgery.”
Please don’t take this post to mean that I support ETS.
Stay tuned for Part 2 to learn what I have decided to do.
Thanks for reading, and feel free to ask questions.
Caryn Joan
Just a Little Sweat 